My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
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By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
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He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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