you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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