walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
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You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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