just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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