thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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