the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
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Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize