Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
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The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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