ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
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I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
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I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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