Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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