Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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