She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize