I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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