i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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