dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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