Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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