your thong is hanging out like whoa
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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