i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I love having hate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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