So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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