Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
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Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
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I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
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