herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
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Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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