u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize