No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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