you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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