My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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