i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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