my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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