i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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