how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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