is your mom at the bar?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
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she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
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I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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