Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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