I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
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Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
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View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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