i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have aggressive nipples.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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