So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize