why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have aggressive nipples.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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