Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize