I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
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Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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