Pants 0. Shit 1.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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