Your mouth is God's brothel.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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