oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
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Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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