:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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