Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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