allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I don't think brook has ever known best
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
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