so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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