New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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