I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
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You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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