Got a toothbrush?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
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with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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