This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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