Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
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Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
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I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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