Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
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I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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