I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize